why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
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