Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
