your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
