I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
