it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Randomize
