I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
