Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
