He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
