Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize
