I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
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