could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Randomize
