Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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