Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
