i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
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