I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robitsâ€
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