i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Randomize
