it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
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