Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
