What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Green mimosas i think yes
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
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