Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Randomize
