She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize