i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
