i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
