When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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