Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
