remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize
