I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Randomize
