wake up i wanna do it froggy style
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
