just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
