see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
