She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
