Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Randomize