so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
