how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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