just survived the first fart of the relationship.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Randomize
