How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Randomize
