How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
