I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Randomize
