I just threw up on my dentist
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
