My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
