i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
