I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Randomize
