Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Randomize
