I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
