have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
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