the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
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