thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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