I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
