is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
