Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize
