careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
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