Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
