We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
