You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
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