sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
