Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
