p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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