I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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