he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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