hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
