So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
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