2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
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