Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
