I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
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