I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
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