I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
