I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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