i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
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