It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
