Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
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