just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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