(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Randomize
