She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
