You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Randomize
