and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
