What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
